My First Encounter With a Horrible Leader

Every Influential Leader I’ve met has taught me important lessons – on what I could do differently, or better.

Not everyone is a good influence. Sometimes, a leader makes a poor impression. I want to show you how we can make the best of both experiences and apply those lessons to our own leadership capabilities.

Carey was the first Influential Leader in my life..

(A quick note: Of course, their real name is not Carey. Names have been changed to protect the innocent … or not-so-innocent lol)

Now, this was a big moment for me because at the time I had worked for 10 years in my HR career coaching leaders on how to be GREAT.

I was never on the receiving end.

Don’t get me wrong, I had observed dozens of bad leaders, but I never reported to one.

At the time,I had just left an employer that I was with for almost 10 years – straight out of college mind you – and moved across the U.S. to start a new life in a new state.

It was a lot of big firsts.

The boss who hired me ended up leaving after six months of being with the organization (let’s call them Gaby). This manager Gaby would cry often during 1:1s or at team meetings, talking about how the core team they supported was toxic.

I thought, ‘How hard could it really be?’ When I was around this core team, I would have such a great time. They seemed so close, yet it was clear Gaby didn’t fit in and it appeared one of the core support partners did not like Gaby.

This Leader was in loss prevention, and had been in that industry for almost 20 years. Now, I acknowledge I’m stereotyping right now, but bear with me. From my experience, loss prevention leaders have:

• Strong observation abilities

In HR lens: This means they would often view things as black or white.

• Sharp critical thinking skills

In HR Lens: They do not typically seek positive intent from employees.

• Effective communication skills

In HR Lens: Their communication is direct and sharp at times, and they may not think through how their words would make others feel.

Yet a good loss prevention leader needs to have strong communication and critical thinking skills to be able to identify thieves and apprehend them.

One can argue that this requires a certain type of skill and mindset, and that I can respect.

You have to imagine, to my surprise, when I found out my boss was leaving the organization at my six-month anniversary and the Loss Prevention Leader (let’s call them Carey) would be my boss.

That’s right – Carey decided to make a career pivot and move to HR Management after 20 years in Loss Prevention.

That funny person at team meetings became the person I dreaded jumping on a call with or doing any in-person sessions with. I realized Gaby was on to something. Carey led through fear and intimidation. It was toxic.

Here is what Carey did, and what I learned to do differently.

C – Communicating poorly

Avoid this: Venting and sharing feedback about your subordinates’ peers on a regular basis.

Do this: Vent laterally or upwards, never downwards.

A – Attitude: Know-It-All

Avoid this: Having a fixed mindset that you know all the answers. What may have worked really well in another role or organization may fail elsewhere.

Do this: Collect data from your team, peers and boss about the past, present and future of the organization. Seek insight on what they would like to start, stop, or continue doing and allow that to be your guide.

R – Resolving Conflicts

Avoid this: Using your position of power to resolve the conflict.

Do this: Give the other person a chance to tell their side of the conflict completely. Relax and listen; try to learn how the other person feels.

E – Ethics: Playing it Loose

Avoid this: Trying to take a shortcut to success.

Do this: Lead by example.

Y – Yearning to be the Best

Avoid this: Using fear tactics to improve results.

Do this: Identify worst-case scenarios in advance and create a strategy with an assigned response team.

There are many reasons people fall into the trap of becoming a Carey as a leader. From my experience, there are even more ways to avoid these pitfalls.

By preparing ahead of time and recognizing the signs of bad leadership, we can make sure we don’t become Careys, or help support them to do better.

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